Hello, reader. My name is Thomas Hogan. I am not sure who I am now, but I think I am different from the person I was up until September 3, 2014, the day I lost my wife, Abby, to lymphoma.
Before that day, I had been a musician. I spent a lot of time drumming in bands that played some iteration of rock music while growing up in Connecticut and during the 5 years I lived in California after I graduated from college. When I moved to Washington D.C. I began to instead spend my musical energy composing music via MIDI and selling it to various web sites and production companies with mixed success. I was also a sound designer and music composer for a company that made audio books. I would produce the theme music to certain titles, usually doing my best imitations of Morricone or Elfman. It was a very promising job, I felt at the time, and I certainly saw growth in my skills as a composer and producer from piece to piece. It was also the most fulfilling job I had ever had, previously having worked in hotel AV for far too long in both Santa Barbara and the district.
I felt like I was finally gaining some momentum with my composing hustle when Abby got sick. Looking back, I am not sure if I would be on the same path I am now had things gone differently. I had taught music in New Haven and in Montecito, and I even remember telling my guidance counselor in high school I wanted to be a music teacher. But these "teaching" experiences taught me little more than how to survive to the next day. I would prepare as best I could, and only permit myself to move a little out of my comfort zone, scared of where that might lead me, not confident in my abilities to deal with the unknown.
I have recently come to terms with the fact that much of my entire life was lived with the same survivalist mentality. Living life in the moment was a foreign concept. Embracing the full spectrum of emotions that life conjures was beyond my grasp. Reexamining why I felt or acted a certain way, or possibly changing my perspective, just didn't cross my mind. I never truly understood that I didn't really know how I actually felt about anything until I lost my best friend to cancer.
I am trying now to really invest myself personally into what I can share with others in this life. While I was very fortunate to have some great music teachers in public school, I feel that I am a long way away from following in their footsteps. My current skill set might be be better aimed at exposing children to music as an interactive art form and cultural phenomenon then training the next Yo-Yo Ma. I am patient and empathetic, and I would like to use these attributes to help in the community. I think teaching is the way.
I believe that all children should learn about music regardless of whether or not they intend to become a musician. I believe music is a powerful force that supersedes entertainment or commoditization. I believe music, as an art form, is an integral piece of the essence of being human. I believe music can help build communities. I believe music can speak to us all and change lives through the enrichment of emotional expression and the exchange of ideas. If I can facilitate this in any way, I will be honored.
Right now I am concentrating on classroom management and getting a feel for teaching in an inner city school. Therefore, concepts found in Teaching Music With Purpose like reactive versus proactive discipline, consistency in teaching breeding standards and expectations, and inconsistency breeding contempt, varying your routine, and using "when..." instead of "why" all resonate the most with me right now. In time, I'm sure other ideas and advice from the book will prove extremely useful.
Music has taken me all over the world, given me my best friends, and accompanied me through the highs and lows of life. Music has effected me so profoundly that it would be dishonest to think I could share anything more personal with the world. My path is now to find out how I can share this best.
4 comments:
Thank you for sharing. I am sure your wife influences your core values in ways that you discover every day.
Great post! I think that you're on the best path to sharing your music by planting the seeds that will grow into tomorrow's musicians. Nice work, Tom!
I completely agree with your statement that all children should learn music whether they want to be a musician or not. I'd also just like to add that kids often don't really even know what they want to do, especially younger kids. I'd say that most kids in elementary school have no idea what they want to do, and even if someone thinks they don't want to be a musician, a great music teacher may change their mind.
Tom, the first thing I have to say is, I'm so sorry for your loss. I think that whenever we lose someone close to us, it's only natural that they become a great influence on how we see ourselves and the world around us. It is clear from your post that the same can be said for you, and that's beautiful. I'm glad that music has been there for you. I like that your values as a music teacher are similar in that you want to give every student the opportunity to find the ways that music can enhance their own lives as it has enhanced yours.
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